Madi went home tonight- we're already missing the sweet girl and she has only been gone about 30 minutes. But I'm starting to wonder why I'm missing her- I think it is because I know I had a little piece of Scott with me while he was gone.
So I'm thinking (dangerous, I know) - he and I are such good friends, and others already think we're dating, that I'm wondering if we're both just kidding ourselves. Can girls and guys be best friends without there being more to it?
He did ask me to go to breakfast with him in the morning. That's new- we've had lunch and dinner before, but never breakfast (unless you count the day we went skiing and left really early that we ate on the way.) Savannah made him a Father's Day card- it was really more of a "thank you for making me feel special" card, but he nearly teared up when he read it. He just fits into our lives so easily. He made a comment to Brandon about a month ago that went something like "I think your mom just needs a best friend right now, and that's what I intend to be." So he is respectful of the fact that my divorce has been final only about 3 months (although we've been separated nearly two years.)
I guess I am asking- am I reading more into this, or am I hiding my head in the sand?
Let me ask this......are you ready for anything? Are you ready for another relationship so soon? Not everyone is , I was tho. I spent two yrs gathering info to get out. But at the time I decided to go , I was so done with the marriage. Many people are not. So Id ask myself the question if he was interested in more......would I be yet tho? And what would that be also? Just dating.....looking for a partner,,,,,,just someone to buddy around with? I think until you actually know what your ready for and really want......you shouldnt encourage anything. Having a good friend is rare as it is.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that tho........my bf and I are best friends. I realized when we met and this happened, I never was , with my ex even tho I was married 30yrs and had two kids. I actually like this better. When I met my ex .....I was too young to know the difference tho.
Those are all the questions I've been asking myself over the last week or two. I feel like I am ready to move on- my marriage feels like it happened to me in another life. I know I have healed. Am I ready for more? I'm not ready to be married again- I don't even want to think about that. It would be nice to date- to dance, hug, kiss, hold my hand.... But I don't want to mess this relationship up just because I need to be held. I'd rather just have a best friend!
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm trying to get you all to read his mind without knowing him, because if I knew what he was thinking then I could think clearer!
Well since he said I think your mom just needs a best friend right now , Id say hes waiting for signal from you. Otherwise I dont think he would have said it that way. He could have told him.......we are just good friends thats all . But to me the way he said it sounds like there could be more if YOU want. You might have to talk to him about that. Just say something like I think Im ready to start dating again, not sure what I want beyond that but I sure do want to start to enjoy life again. If he bites you could say you miss all those things and think your ready to move onto all that again. This way if hes not ready , he wont bite and if he is , you left a door open for him.
ReplyDeleteThere really are shy guys out there still.........my bf is one of them.. Hes only brave when hes drinking lol. Im the one after we had a good time that dragged him off . He never said no lol..........and I know for a fact he did say no to others.
ReplyDeleteHey Sea- how'd you get to be so smart?
ReplyDeleteIf it's something you'd do with a girlfriend and not feel odd about it, then as a rule of thumb, you're just friends. I think your woman friends would be better at answering this, though... ;D
ReplyDeleteGo rent When Harry Met Sally. Watch it. Think about it. Sometimes there's something there, but it just takes a while to recognize it. This is not a bad thing. If you let the friendship grow, without forcing it to be more, then the very worst that could happen is that you find you have a very good friend. If there's more there, it will make itself known when it's time, and not before.
ReplyDeleteMomma..........Ive dated awhile after my divorce but honestly one day I realized I wasnt sure what I wanted. and I got tired of these loser guys. So one day I sat myself down and said what are the basics in a man I will not live without? I wanted a man who was working, no addictions, kind, loving and likes sex cuz I aint dead yet. Those things were nonegoitable and I just didnt date men that didnt fit those. Then there was a secondary list of maybes........like it would be nice if he was nice looking or really smart .......or rich or drove an awesome car........you know .....silly stuff that is nice to have but not so important. If a man didnt fit any of that , I just stayed friends. lol. Was no point in subjecting my self to more heartbreak.
ReplyDeleteWhat he said, all except the When Harry Met Sally part of it.
ReplyDeleteI'm here to say yes it is possible to be just friends. I've had two male friends in my life. One I've lost contact with because his new wife didn't like the fact that we were friends. The other I still have today.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in this case. I feel he's in to you and just moving at a pace he thinks your comfortable with.
Janeen, I read your blog maybe 15 minutes ago and I have been sitting thinking. Yes it is possible. I see that Kati has two very close friends in Budapest and they are both male. However it doesn't usually work and somewhere along the line sex or romance gets in the way. Take care Janeen
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what I've been saying all along to other people- maybe I just needed to say it to myself! (Well, all but the When Harry met Sally part!) I've just not thought that maybe there's more- until now. I am happy being friends and would rather have him as a good friend than not at all!
ReplyDeleteOK...here I am. Better late than never.
ReplyDeleteSeanymph is a smart nymph. It sounds as if he is taking all his cues from you right now. And he seems happy with that. He's also getting to know you quite well before he does make a move which is smart too. Not that many smart men out there really---at least not available ones. (pardon begged of any smart man reading this).
How would you feel *if* he started getting all touchy? Would you be comfortable with it? Are you ready to make a pass at him? And see what happens? I think no matter what, you'd still be friends it sounds like. Which is a nice thing to know. A friend is someone you can count on, and I haven't had many of those really, male or female. He sounds like a treasure (which makes me suspicious as hell). love ya Janeen.xox
OH...in answer to your question, YES I think you can have a best friend with dangly bits. I did in high school, and there was never any romance there at all. Just friends. On my part. I was totally comfortable with him, and he was with me. If it happened now that I am a jaded cynic...I don't know that I could trust that sort of thing anymore tho. It's a tough one for me personally. Luckily I am not the one who has to worry!
ReplyDeleteFunny I just had this conversation AGAIN this weekend!
ReplyDeleteI would like to think you can be best friends with the opposite sex, but I am beginning to wonder. I went to a college that was like 90% male, so yeah I had a lot of male friends.
However, I have had a couple people in my life since my divorce that I have been friends with and really good friends and the friendship struggled and strained because one person or the other had feelings.
SO, if there are feelings for one person or the other, then NO you can't have a healthy friendship...one person is always hoping and "hanging around" for more.
I wish I had a crystal ball for you Dish...I'm learning it is better to get it all out there on the table now rather than later...and yes that means possibly destroying a wonderful friendship....but if it does, that just means the friendship really wasn't there....(wow I think I better read that to myself a hundred times tonight to let it get through my dumb head!)
You are not alone in your struggle!!
Let me know if you want to talk.
I don't know... I'm clueless about this stuff. I always thought men and women could be friends but... my male friends all ask me for sex. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteMomma, I was thinking about this blog of yours, and in my mind, I kept coming back to my friend Gwen. This is Gwen and me on a photography job last September:
ReplyDeleteI've known Gwen since 2001. She was 22 then, I was 40. Yeah, do the math on that. She was born the year I graduated from high school. I suppose there's always been a little bit of playful flirting between us, but neither of us has ever taken it seriously. Mostly we've just been the best of friends, and we've seen each other through a number of relationships with other people.
If you were to ask me to name the top five best friends I've ever had in my life, she'd make the list, no question. She may even be at the top of it. Gwen is the one person I know I can say anything to, confide any secret, express any thought or emotion, and not even have to say, "this is just between us, okay?" There's no need. I know anything I tell her, no matter what, will go no further. And she knows she can do the same with me.
I mentioned Gwen once to someone I was considering dating. That is, I mentioned that I was meeting a female friend for dinner. The lady said, "she's not a friend with benefits, is she?" And of course I said, "no, just a good friend, no benefits." I told Gwen about that later. She laughed and said, "hey, there are lots of benefits to being my friend!" She was right. There are. Just not the kind that particular lady had in mind. And that's okay. None of that is needed. I love Gwen as more than a friend, would do anything for her, as she would for me. But there's never been any romantic interest between us, and I honestly think both of us would find that more than a little weird.
So to answer your original question...Can girls and guys be best friends without there being more to it? I have to say the answer is definitely yes. They can be the very best of friends.
Dude, I was 19 and Art was going on 35 when we met...
ReplyDeleteSince when does age make a difference?
Well its not a big gap but theres 8yrs between me and the bf and Im the older one
ReplyDeleteLet's put it this way, Art's oldest brother (and middle brother for that matter) are old enough to be my parents. lmao!
ReplyDeleteWell now you make me feel better- Scott is only 4 1/2 years younger than I am!
ReplyDeletelol @ Dish!
ReplyDelete*mwa*
*kisses*
You're welcome!
Well the point was, Gwen and I are not romantically involved. In fact, she just recently got engaged.
ReplyDeleteI know that but I was just pointing out to you that the age difference isn't a big deal. Duh.
ReplyDeleteI know that. I've dated women younger than Gwen.
ReplyDelete*sings rock a bye baby*
ReplyDeleteCute...
ReplyDelete*giggles*
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome.
*hides behind Dish*
Protect me Dish!
Lucky for you I'm in a reasonably good mood.
ReplyDeleteAre you ever not in a good mood?
ReplyDelete*nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah*
ReplyDelete*You can't catch meeeeeee*
*nanny nanny boo boo!*
=P
Either he's going to want to throttle me or laugh. We'll see.
ReplyDelete*hides behind you just in case*
I'm not scared of Dave! He's harmless.
ReplyDeleteWhat she said.
ReplyDeleteTrue. I don't think you'll hit a door so hard you put your fist through the glass...
ReplyDelete*sigh*
You're mostly harmless, not 100% harmless. =P
Well he is a guy- ain't none of 'em perfect!
ReplyDeleteWOW! You're hot in that one piece! =) I like it!
ReplyDeleteIsn't that what they said about Arthur Dent?
ReplyDeleteIt was said about Earth.
ReplyDeleteOh that's right. Been a while since I read those books.
ReplyDeleteI'm not gonna make the pool party (watching a movie with the kids), but I thought I'd change into my swimsuit, since everybody else is...
ReplyDeleteLookin' good, Dish!
ReplyDeleteI'm dressed for the pool party
ReplyDeleteLOL @ your suit, Dave!
ReplyDeleteYou can sneak in for a minute, can't you Dave? We'll be there later than the movie, probably!
ReplyDeleteI gathered that...
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with my suit?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'll probably pop in for a while later on.
It shows your ankles and elbows!
ReplyDeleteYep...try not to get too excited...
ReplyDelete*fans furiously*
ReplyDeleteIs it hot in here?
Happens every time...
ReplyDeleteAnd how many times have you gone out in that suit?
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time...
ReplyDeleteSo...every time...
Ah, I guess that would be 100%!
ReplyDelete*giggles*
ReplyDeleteOh my... Dave, be NICE.
ReplyDeleteI'm always nice...
ReplyDeleteYeah, but yer gettin' Dish all hot and bothered!
ReplyDeleteIt's the suit- I can see his elbows.
ReplyDeleteI can't help it I got sexy elbows.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna go cook supper, ladies....catch up with y'all later at the party, I hope...
His knees are kinda knobby, though.
ReplyDeleteLOL-- I couldn't help thinking about what that guy at your work said about what you were wearing- thought Dave's suit might be too revealing!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I thought that's where you were going with it. lmao!
ReplyDeleteI'll tell ya Dish. That new tye dye skirt I got... lmao! I forgot to wear a slip under it. Under direct light, like sunlight... lmao!
Now that could be too revealing!
ReplyDeleteOops! lol!
ReplyDeleteAt least my underthings matched, sort of...
Well if Savannah hadn't stopped me the other morning, I would have ended up leaving the house with a black bra on under a white shirt! (Changed my mind about shirts and forgot to change the bra- oops!)
ReplyDeleteI've done that. Totally spaced it.
ReplyDeleteOh well...
As long as we have SOMETHING on. lol!