My Testimony

I opened this to a lot of people, but not all my contacts. This is the rough draft of my testimony, which is the story of my walk with God. It is a speech, so it is written a little differently than it would be if it were a paper. But help me with it- I need to know if it has a message, comes across well, or sounds scholarly. I don't want it to sound scholarly, I want it to sound personal. But I'm not sure that it does. So please be honest and tell me what you'd change- what you'd shorten, or expound on... or anything else that grabs you.

Thanks my friends!!

I’ve always felt a little cheated because I don’t have one of those testimonies where I walked far away from God, ended up in the gutter, and then clawed my way back. No, mine is far more of a lazy river testimony than a roaring waterfall. I’ve done my fair share of meandering, but, like lazy rivers, they always come back to where they started.

 

I was born into the Methodist church and baptized at 6 months old. My parents were faithful members- there weren’t too many Sundays that we missed church. I came to know the people of this little rural church and I came to know the Bible stories. I don’t think I came to know God until much later.

 

I know I went through confirmation, but you can’t convince me now that I learned much. It was probably an extension of school, where you went because you were supposed to, but the subject matter was just as exciting as conjugating verbs or memorizing dates in history.

 

I love music. Music speaks to me in a way that moves my soul, so it is appropriate that it took music to stir my soul to God. When I was in 9^th grade, I was asked to play in a youth praise band. We’re talking late 70’s, so the music was more along the lines of “Day by Day” and  “I’ll Rise Again” than what we think of as praise music now. We were a pretty good band, and got the opportunity to play at this large venue with many other praise bands. I think we all got to play two or three songs and then someone (and it is a shame I can’t remember who) got up to speak. He talked of God, and love, and fun, and hearts, and before I knew it, my feet were carrying me toward the altar to sing of my undying love for my Savior.

 

Coming home, life was different. Not really, but I saw it through the eyes of one who knows God, knows that they’re loved unconditionally, no matter what.

 

A short 3 years later, I lost my dad. He was my foundation- that rock that our family was built on. 6 months later I left for college. Probably too many life changes at once, but I started to meander away from God. Not so I noticed so much. I went to the BSU because they were the most active Christian group on campus. But that became a substitute for going to church. Then my music major schedule- which often had 50 to 60 hour weeks, caused me to even drop that. I didn’t have anything against God, just didn’t have much time for Him.

 

After graduation, I had meandered- not far,  but far enough that I didn’t even really realize I was missing Him. Life wasn’t bad. I worked several years and then met a man and started a family. I thought I had met a Christian man- and he was probably just as committed to his faith as I was at the time. But things changed when the children were involved. I wanted them to grow up in the church. I went back to my little hometown church, two boys in tow, and put them in Sunday School. I joined the choir. We went to church at least every other week without my husband.

 

I decided that the boys needed to be in a church where their school friends would be. So instead of going to “my” church, we moved to the church that is almost in sight of our house. It was here that I would really discover God and the ways He was moving. He used me to help start a children’s choir program. My daughter was baptized here. The boys found their own faith here. And I began to grow in my interest and in my calling.

 

The one thing missing was my husband. He didn’t ask for a ‘churchy’ wife, he said. I kept inviting him, kept praying for him, and even offered to visit other churches with him so he could find a place where he felt safe. When I realized the truth- that women, beer, and drugs meant more than God, I felt like a true failure. I had broken a promise that I made to God to be with this person forever.

 

But God is so good! He used a powerful group of women on the Walk to Emmaus to show me that God uses everyone- even those who feel like they are damaged, feel like a failure. He surrounded me with women with a powerful message- I’m divorced, but I love God and He loves me and wants me with Him. Flaws and all.

 

That was 3 ½ years ago. Since then, I’ve embraced my failures and my shortcomings. Actually, the more I feel like I’m succeeding in getting closer to God, the more I see how utterly useless I really am. I can do nothing without Him, but with Him there is nothing that is impossible. I’m standing tall, facing an unknown future with a God who is so strong that nothing can stop Him. I am also facing a future, possibly alone, but with a God who loves me so much that THAT is enough. Any more is just the icing rose on top of the cake. He is all I need, and He has promised to never leave me. And with that, I’ll take the next step forward toward eternity.