My last couple of weeks

If you remember back to the first part of December, my friend Scott and I had a discussion about our relationship. We decided it should just be a friendship. I really don't need to date until my divorce is final- don't know why I feel this way, but there seems to be something about closing that door before opening another. He is also at a crossroads in his life- getting ready to go back to college at age 37. So we are having a great time becoming friends.

All of a sudden, I feel like I'm getting funny signals. Maybe it is just me, but tell me what you think. Last Sunday, he took me out for lunch after church AND paid- usually we go dutch. Savannah wasn't with us this time, and we sat in the restaurant until 3pm just talking. Then at church on Sunday night, I decided to hang back and see what he'd do- he saw Savannah, asked "where's your mom?" and when she pointed over to me he came right over and stayed with me the rest of the night.

Monday he text messaged me a few times- nothing unusual. Tuesday, I don't think we talked at all, maybe a text message or two, and Wednesday only talked about 5 minutes after choir practice. Then today, he called me to ask when Savannah's basketball game was. He wanted to come. She played at 6:15 and his church league team played at 6:30. He called a friend to see if they really needed him, and they did. So we decided that I'd bring her to watch him after her game was over. Which turned out to be strange, since there weren't too many spectators- mostly families of the guys playing. He seemed really happy that we were there and talked for about 15 minutes after the game. He made plans to do something with us on Saturday.

I guess it just hit me that we're getting closer than two "friends" would be. I would like to see this relationship continue to grow. I just really don't want to screw it up by either being too anxious or too stand-off-ish. He treats my daughter better than her own father does and genuinely seems interested in how my day has been.

Ramblings

Do you ever feel like blogging but have nothing to say? It is one of those days. Rare, I know- usually I don't know when to shut up. Things are actually going pretty smoothly here. Silent on the ex front, kids are happy, friends are good.... I guess since there's nothing to complain about, I have nothing to say!

I'm really having fun helping with children's worship at church. That seems to be what I look forward to all week. I'm on the drama team, and I'm playing the buffoon part. So I get to be silly and goofy and I'm having a blast! There's nothing like teaching kids. Somehow in the process, they teach you more than you taught them. Except now they all call me "Scooter" which is my character's name. Oh well, next session I think I'm a robot. So I need to start working now on my costume! Anyone got a silver body suit?

Moon Pie Smores

Description:
Ok, since William asked, here's the roasted moon pie story!

Ingredients:
1 Moon Pie
1 wire clothes hanger
1 bonfire

Directions:
Easy- unwrap the moon pie and put it on your bent wire clothes hanger skewer. Hold it over the fire. When the chocolate starts to melt, eat it!

This was actually a joke at a fall bonfire at church. We were making smores and ran out of ingredients. Since someone had a box of moon pies, I had the bright idea that, if warm, they would taste just like a smore. (Actually, they were even better!)

This was fun!

Ok, the idea is you fill this out with your own answers! These are mine:

Four Places I've worked:
Hardees (when I was 16- made college look really good!)
East Davidson High School (band director)
Blowing Rock Furniture (sales and management)
Unity Presbyterian Church (chief gofer!)

Some Movies I've watched more than once (in order of most watched) :
Mary Poppins
The Pacifier
Titanic
Dirty Dancing
Camelot

The last 4 books I read:
Marley and Me
Blink
Eat, Pray, Love
Chill Factor
(and the Cael book by Abby!)

Places I've Lived:
Hickory, NC
Greensboro, NC

Four TV shows that I watch:
What Not to Wear
Hannah Montana
Clean Sweep
Animal Cops

Some Places That I've been:
New York City
New Orleans
Montana
Alberta, Canada
Mt. Rushmore
Oklahoma (there's really nothing there!)

Some People who e-mail me:
Scott Can
Donna
Lynn
Kat
Dave

Four of my favorite foods:
Chocolate (that IS a food!)
Banana sandwiches with mayo AND peanut butter
Pineapple
Potatoes (can't decide between baked potatoes, potato soup, or french fries!)

Four Places I'd rather be right now:
hmm.. that is hard....

Any warm beach
In a cottage in the mountains by a warm fire
On a road trip to "who knows where" (just drive!)
At a really good concert

Four things I'm looking forward to this year:
Having fun times with great friends
FINALLY getting my divorce (should read- I'll look forward to having it over with)
Going bike riding on the Creeper trail again
Chris graduating from high school (please cross your fingers on this one for me!)

The Worst, Best, Most Horrible, Perfect Funeral

Curtis Luke Byars- April 7, 1990- January 12, 2008

I am totally emotionally spent. I've never been to a more moving, more meaningful, more perfect funeral than the one for Luke yesterday. I've needed a day to process all that happened before I could really even talk about it.

The teenagers have had more questions this week than I have had answers. I've had questions, too. Most are  "Did he go to heaven?" "Why does God allow 17 year olds to die?" "Can we blame anyone else for this?" All of this was answered at his funeral.

They didn't gloss over the fact that he was doing drugs and overdosed and died. The pastor did a very good job of summing up this child and his personality. He had obviously known him and his family his whole life. There were probably 500 people there (over 2000 signed the register the night before) and I would guess that at least 1/3 were teenagers. Probably, most were not "good" teenagers- just normal teens with the normal stresses and temptations.

His youth pastor's talk hit home with these kids. He answered their unspoken questions. He challenged them to learn from Luke's mistakes, and also challenged them to get their life right with God. 25 youth came to the altar to accept Christ. Now I have to say, I have never been fond of the altar call at a funeral. I just don't think that is an appropriate place to accept Christ. In this case it felt just right. These are lost, hurting kids who need the peace that comes from the Great Healer.

Most proudly, I'm glad that my boys were the first ones who went down. They have struggled with their faith for years (their dad didn't help- he didn't have a strong belief one way or the other.) They were moved, and are still scared stiff of the movement of the Holy Spirit that they don't really understand.

The worst (best) part of the entire funeral was the end- there are 25 kids at the altar, and Luke's mom and dad joined them. His mom prayed over them- that they be saved from the same fate as her son, that his death not be in vain, but allow these other kids to have a wonderful life and learn from his mistakes. There was not a dry eye in the house, and more than a few loud sobs- and I admit some were mine.

There was a mighty power in attendance- and He was recognized and revered. I am so thankful that I was there for that, and hope I never go through anything like that again.

Winter in the South

This is a real treat. If we get a "weather event" in the winter, it is usually ice. So yesterday was a beautiful treat of snow (well, with some ice on top, and then rain.) But this morning things are still white. The kids enjoyed a two hour delay of school yesterday, but will be getting up in a moment to go in on time this morning.



Now most mornings, they will do anything to get one more minute of sleep- often pushing things so close that we are racing to get to school on time. But not yesterday! They were up at 5am, playing around in the snow. Savannah had to get another shower before school because she was so wet and dirty! But they don't get to play in the snow often- although we are supposed to get some more on Saturday!

If you could change one thing....

It seems like we're all doing a lot of looking at our lives this week for some reason. Our addictions, our stresses, our hurts and pains. I know Luke's death has been hard on my family, and the teens have done a lot of looking at their own actions, too. I've done some questioning of my own parenting, and some of the choices I have made in life. However, I've come to one conclusion- I wouldn't change a thing.

Sure, I'd love to be thinner, richer, smarter... but who wouldn't? I could say that I wish I had chosen a better husband (and I do sometimes) but I wouldn't have these three wonderful children. I could wish I had a job that paid more, but I have a job that I'm excited to go to every day, and that is worth more than money. I wish I had someone just to hold me and love me... but then that would mean compromises and adjustments, too.

So in looking around, I can honestly say that I'm happy- and I wouldn't change a thing!

Do Drugs Affect Your Life?

This blog is not aimed at the person who is legally perscribed to take necessary drugs for their health. I am talking about illegal substances or illegally obtained prescription drugs. (No Abby, this isn't about your 4 pills a day!)

My sons learned this afternoon that someone they know- a close friend from middle school days- died of a drug overdose either this morning or sometime last night. This boy, as a 13-15 year old, was a handful. He was fearless. He raced motorcycles to the detriment of his body. He was the first to dip tobacco, try a beer, and finally made his way into illicit drugs. His Godly parents tried everything in their power to lead him the right way, finally resorting to military school. Even that didn't help.

I spoke with his dad last week, asking how things were. "Not good," he said. They were worried but basically helpless. The boy had become a man- was 18 years old and still as fearless as ever.

I did a little research and found the following statistics- some of which shock me and some of which don't:

• Accidental Drug Overdose Deaths Nearly Doubled.  A 2007 report found drug overdose deaths are now the 2nd leading cause of death in America.
• 19.7 million Americans used drugs in the past month. The highest age percentage for illicit drug use is 18 to 21. The most abused illicit drug is marijuana with 14.6 million drug users. On a regular basis,.2.4 million Americans use cocaine.
• 13 million Americans have an alcohol drinking problem. Their alcohol use has resulted in a criminal arrest, termination from their job, or family disruption such as divorce. It is important to realize that alcohol is a drug. In 2005, 2.5 million Americans received treatment for alcohol addiction.
• Over 60 million prescriptions were written by American doctors for Valium and other similar acting tranquilizers. Many people do not consider the legal drugs, alcohol, and mood altering prescription drugs to be a safety risk. When used as directed, most of these drugs are safe. However, when tranquilizers such as Valium, Soma, or Xanax are mixed with even small amounts of alcohol, the synergistic effect quickly becomes dangerous.  In 2005, 1.8 million Americans abused tranquilizers.
• 33% of automobile drivers involved in crashes are under the influence of drugs or alcohol or both at the time of the crash. In 2005, 10.5 million Americans reported driving under the influence of drugs!  A 1989 study of Chicago personal injury crashes found that 54 percent of the drivers tested positive for either illicit drugs or alcohol.

My brother's family is still feeling the affects of an accident, caused by a drunk driver, that happened over a year ago. If you think that drug and alcohol abuse will not touch you, I hope you are right, but I fear you are only dreaming.

RIP, Luke.

The Eve of Destruction

Well, I have my first court date tomorrow. For some reason, I feel like I'm standing on a beach watching a tidal wave loom in front of me. I know this marriage has been over for some time - it isn't that at all- it is hearing everyone else's stories about how horrible the legal system is to navigate a divorce through. I would expect it to be right, and fair, and just, but from talking to others it can be a quagmire, allowing things to drag out well past their alotted life.

So, I'm a little worried about tomorrow. It is just a child support hearing (alimony, settlements, and actual divorce to be heard later) but I understand that the "other party" is not going to show up. My lawyer tells me that can be good or that can be bad. If we get a good judge then I'll just get what I ask for. If I don't, they could continue it and give him a second chance to show.

He has already drawn this out over a year- and hasn't paid child support yet. As I'm pretty much through my savings, I can't afford to have him draw this out much longer. So say a little prayer at 930am (eastern) tomorrow- that I get what I need for Savannah. This doesn't even count the boys- since they are not mine, there is no "formula" for stepsons who stay with the stepmom!

The Bard for Twelfth Night

Lina has declared this Shakespeare Week in honor of Twelfth Night, January 6. (Or as Christians know it- Epiphany- the timing of the visit of the Magi to the young Jesus.) I thought I left the Bard in high school- it is what I call HEAVY reading and not something relaxing to consume. Since then, movies like Shakespeare in Love and Dead Poet Society have brought the Bard to life in a new way.

So how does Shakespeare relate to society nearly 500 years later? Probably not nearly as differently as we would think (although no one speaks in iambic pentameter in 2008!) First proof of this is the earring in his left ear. I know boys in the 1980's would like to think they were the first to defy authority by making this statement, but here is Billy, sporting a hoop all his own (and search the internet yourself- that is not a photoshopped picture!)

Secondly, you only have to take a broad look at Billy's work to know that the problems and immorality that we think are so specific to our time have been around much longer.  Cross-dressing (as the hapless Viola/Cesario in Twelfth Night), star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet, and even murderers (Macbeth) were obviously well known in his time Throw in the workings of the fairies on unknowing humans, as in A Midsummer Night's Dream and the entire comedy of errors in, what else, The Comedy of Errors, and it doesn't take long to realize that the world was not all that different 500 years ago.

How would Shakespeare hold up in today's society? He probably wouldn't feel too out of place at all!

Victor Borge & Dean Martin - Musical Phonetic Punctuation

Just for punctuation Thursday- this one is for Anne, and Dave, and Abby! Enjoy!

Stole this from Melinda

Kinda neat, huh? I never though about tracking the places I've been... hmm... maybe someday I'll have the goal of seeing all 50 states!

Ok, since I stole this from Melinda, who stole it from someone else, here's the link so you can steal it, too!

Personal Ten Commandments

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Religion & Spirituality
Author:	Helen Stiner Rice

1. Thou shalt be happy
2. Thou shalt use thy talents to make others glad.
3. Thou shalt rise above defeat and trouble.
4. Thou shalt look upon each day as a new day.
5. Thou shalt always do thy best and leave the rest to God.
6. Thou shalt not waste thy time and energy in useless worry.
7. Thou shalt look only on the bright side of life.
8. Thou shalt not be afraid of tomorrow.
9. Thou shalt have a kind word and a kind deed for everyone.
10. Thou shalt say each morning -- I am a child of God and nothing can hurt me.

The Good, the Bad, and the Butt Ugly

I wasn't going to write an end of the year blog, but I changed my mind. I think I need to reflect on 2007, with all it brought, before I look ahead to 2008.

Although James actually left in October 2006, it wasn't until early 2007 that I made the decision to not take him back. The fact that he didn't want to give up his girlfriend really made that an easy decision. That, and the fact that his boys wanted to stay here with me and didn't really want him to come back.

So this year brought a lot of healing and growth. I realized I didn't have the ideal marriage after all. With my blinders off, I could see how he was a taker and a user. He didn't add anything to our quality of life, but instead sucked the life out of everyone around him. I can't believe it took me 13 years to realize that, but the minute he left it was obvious. There is less work to do, less stress, and more freedom. Although the court stuff is just starting, I'm ready for it to be over. He hasn't given us a dime since June, hasn't paid for his truck (which is also on my insurance and credit) and in short, owes me a lot! I hate to know what I am going to go through to try to collect, but if it will help the kids, they're entitled to it. And I'm willing to fight for them to have the life they deserve. (This is the butt ugly part- it feels like I'm having to go through a lot to have some major boil removed from my backside!)

Somewhere about October 2007, my feelings came back. I hadn't missed them, but once I realized I was crying at sad stories again, I was glad to have them back. I suppose that this was my body's way of protecting me from feeling the worst of the hurt and disappointment. Now I'm able to see life through a bit rosier mask, ready for whatever else life might bring me.

My brother has also done a lot of healing this year. His accident in December 2006 killed his wife and left him with many orthopedic injuries. His children were also hurt- most injured was my niece with a broken arm and two broken legs. They were all lucky there were no neurological injuries. Much of my energy that probably would have gone into grieving over my failed marriage went into getting the kids to school, making arrangements for different things like therapy and doctors, and assisting my mom with their caregiving.

One of the biggest blessings this year came in a two-week mission trip to Montana. Savannah and I spent the last two weeks of June in Heart Butte, MT with the Blackfeet Indians. This was healing for me- to not focus on my needs, or my families needs, but to take a look at people who truly have nothing and see how 42 people can make a difference. What we learned was that they made a bigger difference in us than we could have hoped to make in them. I also have a wonderful, 42 member family who I am still close to, bound by this shared experience. We were able to do some sight-seeing, visiting Mt. Rushmore, the Little Bighorn Battlefield, and Glacier National Park (both the US and Canadian sides.) If you ever get a change to see Glacier, GO! It is the most majestic, most awe-inspiring place I have ever been. That is where the picture on the top of my photo album was taken.

Savannah and I have had fun playing in the mountains, riding bikes down old railroad trails, staying in cute B&B's, and just making some mommy/daughter memories. I hope to be able to continue doing that for a long time to come.She is fun to be with!

I also have made a new friend this year. This guy is terrific- someone I can be myself with and who understands at least most of what I say. We did talk about dating, but I don't think I'm ready, and neither is he. But I am grateful to him for making me believe in romance again, for helping me understand that relationships are worth it, and that not all men are bad.

I also have to be grateful for my kids. My stepsons are so much like my own kids that no one knows the difference. I'm fortunate that they're the good kids they are, and if they're growing too fast and ready for adulthood, then I guess I'm doing my job. I want them to slow down and enjoy their last year or two of high school without being so anxious to be adults, but somehow I think every parent of an 18 year old has those feelings. I'm sure my own parents felt that way.

I am immensely blessed to have my 11 year old- she is a wonderful person! She keeps me grounded, and shows me the true meaning of unconditional love on a daily basis. I'm impressed with her maturity, her ability to reason, and her still-childlike faith.

I also have to thank two wonderful groups of people for supporting and loving me this year. The gang at twlforum.com, who have been with me through a 50 lb weight loss and so much more, have offered me unconditional love and support along with a bunch of laughs. I highly recommend getting to know some of these wonderful people, especially if weight loss is one of your goals for 2008. The other group is all you 360/now multiply friends. It is so great to have a  host of people in the room with me whenever I am alone, whenever I need you. You're funny, intelligent, flirty, and friendly, and always are on hand to offer me sage advice and a new perspective on things. I have found some kindred spirits and true friends here, and had a lot of fun doing it! Thanks millions!

And I'm learning that I'm a pretty cool person. Being alone, you'd better like yourself a lot- you're your only company much of the time! So I'm able to look back and see how much stronger, how much wiser, how much more confident I am thanks to 2007.