Do you know what you wish?
Are you certain what you wish is what you want?
- Stephen Sondheim
A good friend asked me tonight- If I had 3 wishes (like from a genie in a bottle) what I would wish for. Sparked a great discussion! The only answer I came up with was- I never want to write a bad check- If I needed to write a check, the money would be there.
I couldn't come up with anything else. I am not very materialistic and don't need much, and somehow I think riches wouldn't make me any happier than I am now. After thinking about this for a few more hours, my second wish would be for clarity. I feel like I'm living in confusion. Let me explain. Scott went with me to a fund-raiser dinner at school tonight. We had a great time- he helped me in the check-out area for a silent auction. At the end of the auction, when everyone had paid, someone came up to talk to me. I realized she went to church with us, but he didn't know her. So I introduced him. She immediately said "Oh, are you two going together?" I shook my head (we're not dating!) but he said "yeah, we go together like ying and yang." So I'm confused. We decided at the first of December not to date. We're not dating- yes, we have gone many places together, but don't touch, hold hands, hug, etc. From that comment, I'm wondering if he doesn't want it to be more.
My confusion is this- do I address this with him? I don't want to lose a friend- well, I don't want to lose the closeness we enjoy just because I'm anxious and confused. I would love to date, but part of me still wants to wait until the divorce is final (which right now seems like it will be years!) Or do I let it go where it will? My kids say I'm being stubborn- heck, my counselor says I'm being stubborn, and she knows us both! Why is this so hard?
I know, give it to God. I have- about 10 times tonight- but I keep taking it back. That's why I can't sleep- thought I'd put it all in black and white and see if that helps. It might, eventually! So, what do I wish? I don't know. Is what I wish really what I want? I don't have a clue!
I really don't know what I'd wish for either. My life is very content right now. As far as the friend is concerned, dating during a divorce really isn't a good thing. There is a "transition" period that you have to go thru, and since your divorce isn't final yet you haven't been thru it. Kinda like when a person close to you dies. Some say the final day is a day of celebration, but it really isn't. To me, its a day of reflection. What went wrong, now what am I gonna do, what do I really want to do, etc.
ReplyDeleteGod will definately help you and see you thru this. Just keep on praying and giving it all to Him.
1) Excellent health for me and mine (I rolled 2 into 1, I have thought of this before...)
ReplyDelete2) That me and the kids will always find happiness to go along with our good health
3) Win the mega-lottery-billion-dollar-jackpot.(Contrary to popular belief, money DOES buy happiness). You may be ecstatic every day, but having your power turned off, or no food in the fridge and no health care can change that real fast.
So, with the top 2 we can use #3 to help everyone else around us and also live well ourselves! Of course there are the global wishes, but even a Genie can't handle that (I don't think).
About the Scott thing. You guys do seem to go together like ying and yang...but that was also a very clever answer he came up with. Without answering the busy body, or saying anything to make you feel weird, he gave a good response!! I like this guy (shock I know) And now I've put a face with the name, he's pretty hot.
Exactly what are you worried about with this whole thing? The divorce is one thing, but you have clearly moved on from your STBX (heh) and the divorce is merely an expensive piece of paper. The vows and the marriage were broken, and not by you. So even in God's eyes...that is gone. And you are not to blame. So that washes that off your conscience. I doubt God is worried about a piece of paper. He would be more concerned with the commitment. Is it just the formality that worries you?
As Light said, you are going to need a period of adjustment. However, you have had that for a while now that he's not in your house anymore, and things have progressed. What's a satisfactory time limit for you? The divorce could be the start point maybe (for your orderly mind). But you've already started. I can see where you're confused on the details...but the larger picture is very clear! The day the shitbox broke your heart and left you and the kids floundering was Day 1. The day you met Scott your life began to refresh itself and take a new direction. Life does that. The only thing that seems out of place is your schedule LOL...haha So change the schedule, girl!
I wouldn't worry too much about the answer he gave. Going together like ying and yang isn't necessarily a bad thing....opposites attract and about a million other "phrases" I could use there.
ReplyDeleteYes, let it go where it may. Cultivate the friendship, because anything that is worth anything comes from a strong friendship first.
Even though you keep taking it back, continue to give it to Him....he knows, he understands...and you are on the right road because you recognize the fact that you are taking it back.
I would be scared to lose a very close friendship too and have so I know how great that fear is, I cherish my friendships and especially the ones where there is a connection like no other. I miss that.
As for the three wishes....I don't know what I would wish for but you can bet it would probably be more for others than for myself.
What magickat said. What Hifly said. *sigh* I'm terrible when it comes to talking to people about advice. I, myself, do like the yin and yang statement. I think it means that you two fit each other pretty well and granted, she was being nosy but hey, that was a great answer! Um, how far do you want to take it? The divorce might not be final but from what I've heard, you're not the one who made the mess. You're the one left to clean it up. I say let your hair down and just not worry so much. God will take care of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys! And guess what? I got a message from my lawyer saying the divorce should be final on March 27!!!
ReplyDeleteBill, I have resisted dating while I'm still married, partly because of the hurt and partly because I didn't think it was fair to drag anyone else into this mess.
Kat, you're right- and Tricia, you are too! I know God has great things planned, and I won't do anything without consulting Him about it!
Abby, how far? Good question. I really care about this guy, but getting re-attached to someone is scary. I think I like the slow and steady pace we're on. We both have a lot of things going on in our lives. To have a friend who is there and who seems to understand my confused ramblings is wonderful. It would be nice to have a shoulder to lean on and a hand to hold. But I don't want to be reliant on anyone else just yet. I want to learn to stand on my own. Ok, I'll admit it- I'm scared. It was better when I thought all men were jerks. He has made me believe in love again, and has also taught me some valuable things about myself. We'll just have to see where it goes!
Hmm...you are in a pickle. I've always made it policy not to have a relationship with someone that I considered to be a life-long friend, but I can see my priorities changing, as I age. Do you feel an attraction to him? Is he someone that you could imagine in your daily routine? Have you had the urge to reach out and hold his hand, lay your head on his shoulder , or kiss him at an odd moment?
ReplyDeleteTake your time. Life will feel new to you now and you have to learn to walk before you run. I don't think he's running away, so enjoy your time together and let nature take it's course.
P.S. Yin and Yang are male and female energies...they may not always "come" together, but they sure have fun trying. LOL
ReplyDeleteLOL @Susan- oh yeah, I can see holding his hand, etc. I'm dealing with so many emotions today- which is a good reason to go slow. I'm excited to finally have a divorce day, but then it seems like all the excuses will be gone. I think you're right about learning to walk again- and he seems willing to go at my pace, so I'm probably stressing about it for nothing. There is a little part of me that says he is so willing to go at my pace that maybe he doesn't want more. That is the scary part.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he has been waiting for the divorce, too.
ReplyDeleteMaybe so.... I sure hate the unknown, though!
ReplyDeleteI also think you are very wise to want to stand on your own two feet and don't compromise that. You can do that and still have a wonderful friendship and possibly even a relationship when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it all being in the unknown?
ReplyDeleteYes it is. It is also knowing that God is there in the unknown to make things turn out right. I know that- but there's part of me that needs to know I'm making good decisions. That's why I want to stand on my own feet for a bit- to make sure I'm grounded.
ReplyDeleteYour right there dish, establishing yourself after the divorce day is part of the transition I was talking about earlier. I learned that in counciling. (remember, I've been through this divorce crap twice in my life and sure don't want to make another tragic decision.) And that transition period of time is entirely up to you. Sounds to me like your on the right track.
ReplyDeleteI understand wanting to stand on your own two feet. I never have. I just fall down and flounder. You're lucky, really, to want your own independence.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think you two could hold hands. Good friends hold hands. =D Just talk to him and let him know what your fears are. If he's really your friend first, it will be okay.
I have always been pretty independent (which is where I tend to butt heads with God) and marriage really didn't change that. What I found was that I take so much on myself- and he let me- that when he demanded more, I had no more to give. I was already doing everything I could. And when he left, there was less to do instead of more. Most of my wanting to stand on my own two feet is more about learning things about me that will keep me from making that same mistake. I need to let others make some decisions for themselves (and more importantly, fall on their face a time or two instead of riding to the rescue.) Essentially, I need to learn to balance my time and energy with my compulsion to give and serve. I think I'm getting there but I need more practice!
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you're doing pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI am- I'm actually happy- I just don't want to mess with that!!
ReplyDelete