In a Funk

So, I'm just in a funk today. Missed two days of work this week with one whale of a cold, which still has my ears echoing like an empty rainbarrel. I'd love to sleep, but I'm tired of sleeping. All the kids abandoned me- can you blame them, it is spring break, they don't want to be sick! I don't feel like being with anyone but no one wants to be with me. You think I'd be grateful, right?

My divorce is final tomorrow. I will be so glad when that is over- it almost seems like a surgery day or something. You know, a day that you dread to get here but you're so glad to have over, and you know you'll be better once it is done. So that is part of the funk, too. I did get to look the stbx in the face on Sunday and say "no, I do not want you back" like why did he even ask? He's still living with his girlfriend! (Just to see if he could have his cake and eat it, too! Well, this cake has gone stale!) Maybe that is part of it, too. I don't have much planned to be excited about.

I really kinda like having a funk day every now and then. At least it reminds me of how good the good days feel! 

Picture Perfect Friday - Gobsmacked

Well this week's word is unusual. It seems as if it means shocked, or taken aback. Looking through the pictures I have that might work, I came across this one of my daughter. It is a couple of years old, and is a self-portrait. She takes such interesting pictures of herself!

Catch 22

I limited the number of people seeing this to the ones I know are Christians on my list. Basically because I have a question and need an answer from the Christian perspective.

I think you all are well versed in my life and the divorce which is all but final. I have continued to pray that my ex would come to know the Lord. I've not really been happy that I've prayed for him, but it is the right thing to do- it is what is missing from his life, and I know he'd be a happier person and a better father were he to find Jesus.

So here's my problem. All week he has been nice. Of course, because he and his live-in girlfriend are having problems, he is trying to be all nice to me. He even asked if I was sure I wanted the divorce. I am so over him, and have made it very clear that I do not want him back, no longer love him, and do not want him in my life. So he's trying a different tactic. He called Savannah today and told her he wanted to go to church tomorrow, but he didn't know where to go. She suggested a church closer to him where some of her friends go. He said, "well, I don't know anyone there, can I come with you?" She was taken aback - this is the man who went to church with us about 3 times in 13 years- but she said ok.

Now, this is what I prayed for (kinda) but I'm not happy about it. I am glad that he is making an effort with her as long as he will keep it up- remember, he hasn't seen the kids since Thanksgiving. I have the feeling, knowing him as well as I do, that it is a ploy to try to get back in my good graces. He'll try to wrangle a dinner invitation- which Scott is already coming to my mother's house with us for dinner- and I know she wouldn't let him in the door.

I suppose my questions are what do I say to him if he does come to church, and how to I make it clear that he is welcome to a relationship with his children but not with me? How do I reconcile that this is what I prayed for for him, when it is not happening the way I want? (I know God does things His own way, too, and maybe this is His way of reaching the ex.)

Dealing with an idiot

Court was ok this morning- court is never fun, and I'm learning how to not be so nice (yeah, I still have a long way to go!) So the idiot shows up and starts on about how he hasn't seen his kids since June....What? Yes he has! And the judge stopped him and told him that wasn't the issue- they had to eat no matter where they were! So he did order wage withholding, and wouldn't consider changing the amount.

So now the idiot is being all nice. Actually asked me if I thought the divorce was the right thing to do. DUH! Told me he broke up with the girlfriend (ah, so that's why he's being nice to me!) Well, I basically told him that he ripped the foundation out from under the house and it wasn't so easy to put back! It is still all about him- why don't the kids call him (heck if I know, they have his number) and he might have to move because he can't afford his high dollar rent and child support too! (aw, too bad!)

I have learned so much through all this. I know what I was missing- someone who did little kindnesses just because they like you and they can- not because they're going to get anything out of it! Scott parked my car in the rain yesterday so I could get out under the shelter and he got wet! And he drove home from the ball game today because I asked him if he would- said it would be nice to have someone else drive for a change.

He may not be the person I will spend the rest of my life with, but he has taught me so much about the way I should expect that person to treat me! I'd never go back to what I had- heck, he'll only be nice until he makes up with his girlfriend, anyway! And I'm SOOOOOO much better off without him!

Too tired to blog

I know I haven't been around much. Just way, way, way too busy this week. Monday, I worked until 2, Savannah had an orthodontist appointment and Brandon had a baseball game; Tuesday, they had a faculty vs. student basketball game at school and I had community chorus, and tonight, well, I did what I had to and now I'm skipping church. Just too tired. Plus, I get to see the jerk in court tomorrow.

I haven't seen him since June last year. And, since he is $10,000 behind in his child support, he is not happy about going to court. Oh well! Although, I think he and his girlfriend must have had a fight because he called yesterday and was being really nice. Like that is going to get him something!

I'm dreading tomorrow, and excited to think about having it over. Maybe Easter will be brighter with that behind me!

Picture Perfect: Empty

I haven't gotten in on many of these weekly pictures, but I knew what picture I wanted to use the first time I saw this title. This is the chapel at the church I work for. Pretty place, expecially with the afternoon sun coming in like that. But without the people, it is empty. Most people have the wrong idea about church- you say something about a church, and they automatically picture a building. And some church buildings are beautiful- but no matter what, without the people they are nothing.

Taking this one step further, this is like my life without Christ in it. I can have the best body (which I don't, but that's not what we're talking about) and the best job and live in the best house, but without Christ in my life I am as empty as this building. It might look nice from the outside, but once you're in there, you realize it is pretty, but not fulfilling!

3's about me- From Susan (Abby)

Three jobs I have had in my life:

1. Lifeguard

2. Furniture salesman

3. Office Manager

Three movies I would watch over and over:

1. Breakfast Club

2. Hope Floats

3. Camelot

3 Three places I have lived:

1.  Denver, NC

2.  Greensboro, NC

3.  Hickory, NC

3 TV Shows that I watch: 

1. What Not to Wear

2. Hannah Montana (with Savannah!)

3. Most anything else on HGTV, TLC, or the Discovery Channels

3 places I have been:

1. Glacier Park (Montana and Canada)

2. New Orleans

3. New York City

 3 of my favorite foods (cuisine):

1. Mexican- love the pollo adobo

2. Italian- give me a good calzone!

3. Anything with potatoes (Is that Irish cuisine?)

3 places I'd rather be right now: (in no order)

1. Home instead of work

2. In the mountains

3. On a warm beach somewhere

3  friends I think will respond:

1. I

2. Don't

3. Know!

3 Things I am looking forward to this year:

1. Spending time with my new best friend

2. Having some adventures

3. Getting one of the kids married and out of the house!

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and Paste this on your page. Delete my answers and type in yours. Give it the same title I did on my page. 

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you.

Living in my confusion

Do you know what you wish?
Are you certain what you wish is what you want?
- Stephen Sondheim

A good friend asked me tonight- If I had 3 wishes (like from a genie in a bottle) what I would wish for. Sparked a great discussion! The only answer I came up with was- I never want to write a bad check- If I needed to write a check, the money would be there.

I couldn't come up with anything else. I am not very materialistic and don't need much, and somehow I think riches wouldn't make me any happier than I am now. After thinking about this for a few more hours, my second wish would be for clarity. I feel like I'm living in confusion. Let me explain. Scott went with me to a fund-raiser dinner at school tonight. We had a great time- he helped me in the check-out area for a silent auction. At the end of the auction, when everyone had paid, someone came up to talk to me. I realized she went to church with us, but he didn't know her. So I introduced him. She immediately said "Oh, are you two going together?" I shook my head (we're not dating!) but he said "yeah, we go together like ying and yang." So I'm confused. We decided at the first of December not to date. We're not dating- yes, we have gone many places together, but don't touch, hold hands, hug, etc. From that comment, I'm wondering if he doesn't want it to be more.

My confusion is this- do I address this with him? I don't want to lose a friend- well, I don't want to lose the closeness we enjoy just because I'm anxious and confused. I would love to date, but part of me still wants to wait until the divorce is final (which right now seems like it will be years!) Or do I let it go where it will? My kids say I'm being stubborn- heck, my counselor says I'm being stubborn, and she knows us both! Why is this so hard?

I know, give it to God. I have- about 10 times tonight- but I keep taking it back. That's why I can't sleep- thought I'd put it all in black and white and see if that helps. It might, eventually! So, what do I wish? I don't know. Is what I wish really what I want? I don't have a clue!

I'm gonna die at 92!

This incredibly unscientific test tells me that I have another good 50 years left. But it got me to thinking- what if it said that I'm gonna die at 42- and I'm 41? What would I do? I know I would tell my family that I love them more than I do now- that means they'd hear it 10 times a day! I would probably just go for the relationship with Scott instead of letting it slowly unfurl. And, I'd do some things that I've never done.

I'd climb the highest mountain I could find-
Sit by a waterfall-
Go to the beach and lay out in the sun without worrying about skin cancer-
Eat all the ice cream and birthday cake I want-
Worship Jesus without concern for what the people around me think (I"ll raise my hands in the air if I want to!)
I'd be more generous with my time and money
I'd watch more sunsets
I'd start travelling to meet as many of my online friends as possible

I'm sure there is more I haven't thought of... you tell me, what would you do?

The Friday Five

Abby got this from Boopster but got the week wrong, so I stole it from Jackie! Just a frivolous fun thing to do when you're bored- but it did make me think!

I know the Oscars are over now, but they inspired me to think about glamour, glitz, and the big screen.  Actually, I think it was George Clooney’s appearance toward the beginning that inspired the following statement, “George Clooney is the most beautiful person on this planet,” but I digress.  *sigh*  Anyway, your Friday Five challenge for this week will transport us all to tinseltown for a moment or two:

1)      They’re writing the screenplay for the story of your life.  What would this film project be titled?  Why?

2)      They’re casting the above named film project in Hollywood this week.  Who would you want to play you on the silver screen?  Why?

3)      Now that the star is in place, it’s time to add the supporting cast.  Who would play your significant other?  And, don’t worry, it IS a movie, so if you don’t have a significant other, you can still have someone play this imaginary person in the movie.

4)      More support.  Cast actors in the roles of one or both parents, your siblings, &/or your children—whichever roles are vital in the story of your life.

5)      They’re marketing your life onscreen. What film genre will your movie be tagged with?  What will the target audience be for this love story/thriller/musical/animated short/whatever?

1- We're either going to call it "Sleeping in Charlotte" or "Giving away Love." The first because it could be a really boring movie, and the second because, well, that is what I do!

2- Playing me will be Kate Winslett. She is beautiful in a natural sort of way and I can appreciate her talent.

3- Significant other? I guess Scott would be played by Mark Wahlburg. Cute, huh? I guess the ex could be played by Jack Nicholson.

4- My parents - my step-dad is Sean Connery, and my mom is Audrey Hepburn. My brother is Ben Stiller, and the teenagers- let's see, Chris could be played by Luke Perry and Brandon by Zach Efron. And Savannah would get me if I didn't let Miley Cyrus play her, although Miley is 4 years older.

5- This will have to be a musical! As much as I like to sing!

Either post your answers below or blog them and link back! Enjoy!