I just have to write this somewhere- help me get my head on straight and thinking clearly. Most of you who have known me any length of time know that I have been separated over a year- divorce pending (and a lot of child support, too!) I am clearly over all of that- I really wish it was totally all over, all the legal wrangling. I really have no feelings, other than irritation, left.
But dating sounds really scary. Until last week- and I met someone who I think could become very special. If nothing else, he is going to be a great friend. Loves Savannah to pieces (and she, him) so much that he came to her birthday party! And hung out with me just talking for two hours yesterday when neither of us had anything to do.
Just the timing seems wrong. Maybe it is just me, but I'd like to have the divorce final before I begin another relationship. I know my stbx didn't feel like that when he left with another woman, but somehow I think another man deserves a clean slate. Am I wrong? Oh, don't get me wrong, it feels good just to have someone to share things with- to feel like I am loved and wanted (even as a friend) is a special thing. He knows all about my marriage, and what was good and bad about it. He has been married before, too- no children. I don't know if anything will even develop from this, but it is a nice ride to be on! Am I crazy, at this point in my life, to begin again? Do I need more time to heal? Am I wrong to bring someone into a relationship where the legal things are still unresolved? Or am I wrong to pull away just because of them? I really wish I knew. I'm praying, and I know I will get my answer sooner or later (knowing God, later than I want! But His timing is always good!)
Mommadish, be kind to yourself. All your feelings are quite normal and understandable. Divorce is one of the most painful and hardest things I had to deal with in my life and from talking to others who had similar experiences, I found that I wasn't the only one who felt like I was going crazy at times. If your new friend is familiar with the circumstances and is willing to go at your pace, then why not see what happens? Do be careful though. Sometimes others can sense when a newly separated or divorced person is vulnerable and unwittingly you can be taken advantage of in a multitude of ways. Just because that happened to me, I don't dare say it shall happen to you, but be cautious my friend. I hope whatever happens, you are happy and treated with respect as the dignified and classy lady you are. God Bless you and my prayers are for you too!
ReplyDeleteI came to the comment section of this blog with the intent of saying precisely what has already been said by this gentleman.
ReplyDeleteTruer words may have never been spoken. The only thing I can add is that it is sometimes ok to be selfish, especially following a traumatic experience such as the one you've recently (yes. a year is recent when you are talking about what was supposed to have been a lifetime commitment) been through. It is perfectly acceptable to do something for YOU for a change. Just keep your wits about you.
I have to agree with both guys...But, if this man showed up sooner than later, well...it was meant to be this way. Nobody says it's a relationship until YOU say it is. As long as he knows the scoop, and he seems understanding (but they all do when they want something) then there is no problem really, except the one in your poor confused head. I think sometimes we pre-decide how it will be, and when the universe (or God) steps in and things change, why not take a stroll on the new path? It's a way of maybe changing the direction you thought was right, for one that is maybe even better. If not., you'll know soon enough if you don't rush and stay truthful with your friend. You're rather lucky to have found someone like that (seemingly) who is free, loves your child and seems to appreciate you. Can you tell I have trust issues? That's my major concern, is right now you are very vulnerable even if you think you aren't. Attention and kindness are what you have been lacking, and *some* (not all) men are predetory asses and can sense this a state away. Just take your time, make sure he knows you're going to take your time, and keep telling us, and we'll keep you grounded!! Hell, I'll set up surveillance around your perimeter and have a background check done on him if you want LMAO.
ReplyDeleteSweetie. I say take it one day at a time. Let things happen as they will. Don't not have more with him because you have some loose ends.
ReplyDeleteYou are st arting with a clean slate. You've gotten over your ex and your ready to move on.
Let yourself enjoy this time.
Remember everything happens for a reason.
Huggles,
Jamie
I'm happy for you! I'm happy that you have someone in your life to share your time with, have fun with, and just enjoy. I don't think you should put things off until the legal side is complete - who knows how long that can happen with that hole of a stbx you have!!! Sure, be careful - just as you would be in any new relationship, but don't be scared off, either. Trust your gut, trust in God. He put this man in your life for some reason - like you said, it could just be for friendship. Won't it be fun to find out, though?!
ReplyDeleteThanks guys- I have actually seen his background check Kat! He's a youth counselor at our church and is studying to be a minister. Anyone working with the youth has a background check. I don't have trust issues, but I do recognize my vulnerability. I realize one thing though- I'm beginning to feel again. I didn't realize I'd been numb until the feeling came back!
ReplyDeletewow...background check came back clean!! This is getting better and better. I like what Jamie said, you *are* starting out with a clean slate, and he knows that too.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on being able to feel again lol, took me three years to get emotionally strong even though I was the one who left him, he was having an unseprateable affair with Bud lite lol. Theres going to be so many stages you go through... that just make you stronger. May everything go well with the new man.
ReplyDeleteDish, this is just my two cents, but I hope you will take some time for you! Get to know you again and have some fun before you jump into another relationship! I know you have been seperated for awhile but I just think time for yourself is so important! Take some time and figure out who you are and what you want! You know that you are the only one who can make you happy, as great as men are they aren't here to make us happy, we have to do that for ourselves! And besides, I think the best relationships start out as friendships!
ReplyDeleteI knew I needed to talk to you Tucky! You always know me so well! And you're right- I'm not going to worry about all that jr high "does he really like me" stuff and just enjoy being friends! I think I know I don't feel ready for a new relationship, although the attention is really nice! You're the best!
ReplyDelete