Not Blogging Enough!

Ok so SOMEONE told me I wasn't updating this thing enough! So I'm updating and it is time for the rest of you to also!! LOL! I've been thinking back to when I was a teacher (early 90's) and I was learning to use an old Apple computer with the big floppy disks. It wasn't much fun- just a way to record grades that made the school people happy. It wasn't until about 1999 that I actually used a computer on any sort of consistent basis. In that time it has become something I cannot live without! I couldn't balance my checkbook, pay bills, or talk to my friends without it!

At 40 years old I never thought I'd have "online friends"- that seemed to be reserved for the younger crowd- but I have to say that some of my best friends come to me every day through this incredible technology! I don't know what I'd do without the affirming comments, the advice, the laughs, and the fun that I have with you all each day. I know I don't tell you all this enough, but I truly love you as much as if I could actually see you every day.

Leah, you inspire me to be a better person. To see all you have accomplished, all you are, and how you're still there for others makes me thankful to call you a friend. We'll make it through the end of our marriages one way or another- and I'm glad we're doing this together.

Dave, you are my hope. I know that if you approve of something I do or say then it was the right thing. You give me such smart advice and are able to see my problems sometimes better than I can. Thank you for always looking out for me!

Brosia, no matter what life brings you, you bounce back with beauty and grace. You're showing me that I can be my own person- look at you starting your own business and still caring for the kids and trying so hard to add another one! I don't know where you get your energy some days! Thanks for sharing that enthusiasm for life with the rest of us.

Jewel, I pray for you every day. Only God knows how you keep on going with all that is happening in your life, and you do it without complaining and griping- just get in there and get it done. I don't think I have ever met anyone as determined and loving as you. You'd do anything for your family and they are so lucky to have you! And I'm lucky to be able to call you a friend!

Jamie- I think somehow you're going to get me through these next 10 weeks just by blogging- you have a way with words that makes a story come alive! I know that I will come away from one of your blogs with a smile on my face- even the ones that the stories are bad come to life with wit and humor. Thanks for always being able to laugh at adversity!

Melinda- it is a pleasure to see you grow- from someone a little insecure to someone who is taking charge of her life! I hope school is awesome for you and that you find that something in your life that you think is missing! Please continue to share your dreams- they seem to turn in to my dreams too, and I hope we reach them all!

Jules- (seems like you should be closer to the top of the list!) I really am so glad that you are still in my life! With all the rough patches I know it would have been easy to lose touch. Thank you for always being there, for keeping me on track when I start to wander off, and for being so dogged determined to win that you carry the rest of us along with you.

Tommy- I don't know where you've disappeared to the last month, but I miss you! You have a way of making me feel beautiful! I know it is simple fun, but it is fun! Come back soon!

Ryan- I don't know you very well but if you've been as busy as Leah, you don't have time to be here either! Hope you get back to posting soon, because you seem like someone I should know a little better!

OK- now it is all your turns to blog- because if I'm not blogging enough, neither are you! (with the possible exception of Jamie who out-blogs us all!)

So am I Boring?

I am having so much fun! Planning this trip and all the great things that we'll get to see and do- I'm just excited about the experience! I also had the pleasure of singing in church this morning- a really hard solo, but it was so fun to just belt it out! All about the Spirit moving you- and I sure think He did move! Our pianist is great- even skipped a measure right along with me when I came in wrong!

I just see everything that God is doing in my life- it is not a perfect life and it does have its struggles- but I am watching Him do some incredible things. When I hear people say things like "How can you be a Christian- it is so boring" (and yes, I've heard that more than once) I probably look at them funny, because I'm having a marvelous time! I don't think I am boring at all- and I'm the one who matters! So come on- be boring right along with me! It is really fun!

One Month Left

I've never been on a mission trip before- unless you count going to the nursing home with some 3rd graders (which is a mission, but not necessarily a trip!) There is one month left before Savannah and I head to Montana- to the poorest area of the USA. 85% unemployment. 10% literacy. Homelessness, alcoholism, desperation.... I'll admit I don't even know what those look like. Oh yeah, I've eaten Oodles of Noodles until the next paycheck before, but there's always been a next paycheck. I truly don't know what to expect or what we will find. How can I bring hope to people so low? What can any of us do to help a people that have been so poorly treated?

Please pray for our whole team as we go into this new experience. There are 42 of us going, and 16 are children. I hope that Savannah and her friends come away with a new appreciation for all that they have and a new passion for helping those who have less. And pray for all those who are planning what we're going to do when we get there, that we have the supplies we need and are able to really make a difference.

I'm really doing it!

Ok, so you'd think after 15 months of my healthy eating/living plan I'd have learned by now. Most of this is such a habit that I don't have to think about water, food, exercise- I just do it! But I think I'm just beginning to see the results. My 16 year old looked at me strange the other day and said "what is wrong with your leg?" He was seeing the muscles stick out! (Guess that is weird for me, huh?)

Well, I was at a friend's house on Sunday and she said "look at your legs- they're so in shape I'm jealous!" Well, let me tell you, it has been so long since anyone was jealous of me that I didn't know what to say! I do feel better about me- I have more energy (on most days, anyway) and can do the things I want without being totally winded. I still am not as conditioned as I'd like to be, but I think I just might be too lazy to make it all the way there!

Funny part is, I have only lost a pound in the past 3 months, but I'm getting more comments that ever before. I can actually see my belly button, too! It has been hiding for so long that I know seeing it means real progress!!

Thanks to all of you who have been there through all these past 15 months- and don't think this is anywhere near the end- only a realization that there is a light at the end of this tunnel- and at the end of this tunnel is the beginning of another one- so I'm going to need you all for a long time to come.

You Know What? I am Happy!

James and I had an interesting conversation today. You know that I am trying to take my marriage vows seriously, especially the "for better or for worse" one. (And this is definately the WORSE part.) I am not ready to give up this marriage, but I do think we have some serious work to do if it is ever going to work.

He has been very depressed lately. You know that he is the one who wanted out- not permanently, but just wanted some breathing room. Since then he has disengaged from a lot of things around him. Hasn't really seen his kids too much- missed a lot of visits, ballgames, etc. Hasn't seen me much either. He did get it right away that I was not going to "take care" of him!!

Anyway, to today's conversation. He is miserable. Told me he didn't understand why I didn't just cut him out completely. He feels like a failure as a husband and a father. He isn't happy (Duh- this was supposed to make him happy!) Anyway, I told him I am happy. I would be happy with him here, I would be happy with him gone, I would be happy rich or happy poor. Happy has nothing to do with where you are, who you are with, or how much money you have. Happy is a state of mind. And I have decided to be happy.

He didn't understand at first. Until I explained that there are miserable rich people. There are miserable married people. There are miserable poor people, and miserable divorced people. Happy isn't having things or not, it is loving people, loving God, loving life! Getting in and getting dirty helping someone else. Realizing that Jesus died for us- us miserable people! And we aren't worthy of one drop of His blood- but He loves us that much anyway! That's why I am happy!! (And that's also why he isn't!)

Pray for him, for us and for the kids- we have a long way to go, and I'm afraid that it is a distance I can't cover for him. It is mostly on his shoulders to decide to be happy, decide where he wants to be, and what kind of a person he wants to be. And whatever he decides, I'll be sad or mad or glad, but I'll still be happy!!

On another note, Jewel's son had his leg amputated above the knee. I know she feels horrible that this had to be done, but the doctors are convinced that he will recover and lead a fairly normal life. I pray that she is strong enough to get him through the therapy, the inevidable depression, the long road ahead. And someday, I hope she realizes that in all this, she can be happy, too. Pray for her, for Josh, for the 17 year old that hit them, that they all find their way back to happiness. Pray for Ginger's family, too- that the kids and Rem can get to the point of happiness again- even with dark blankets of sadness surrounding them. To hear that the oldest son went straight to his pastor after leaving the hospital gives me hope for them and for the rest of us, too. Prayer works- prayer is powerful, and can heal the widest wounds.

In Memory of Ginger

Ginger Rogers was a beautiful woman with a beautiful family. I always thought they should be the model family in the picture frame that you bought. Sure, like every family, there were challenges in her life, but she met them with grace, beauty, and a dazzling smile. I recently had a chance to get re-aquainted with her after her son transferred to the school my children are attending. She was glad that these boys, who played baseball together in elementary school, could be friends again. She was looking forward to having her 13 year old there next year (the 2nd grader they adopted a couple of years ago was already in, too.) We joked about all the free time she was going to have.

No one really knows what happened yesterday- heart attack, aneurism... to this 44 year old beautiful Christian lady. But I know our world is a little poorer at the loss of her smile, her friendship, and her glow. And I know that it will take years before the gaping hole in their family is patched, but I know we will meet Ginger again someday in heaven. Please pray for Rem, the boys, and Rosie at the loss of their wife and mother.