Maybe it is the storms coming through today, but I feel like my whole life is a storm. I can't make sense of which way I'm supposed to go and what I am supposed to be doing. And I really don't know how to figure it out, either.
Family- the boys are getting older and are almost self- sufficient- Chris did his first weekend with the National Guard this weekend and loved it. Brandon is at work right now. James came over today and frankly, I spent the whole time wishing he would just go away. Everything seems to be about what he wants and needs, and he really doesn't seem to hear me that I have needs, too. Ok, so maybe he does a little, but it is hard to see when he doesn't actually do anything to fulfill them.
Job- I think I told you some time back that they are expanding my children's choir position to encompass the children's ministry, too. I don't think that it will be enough pay to let me quit my day job, but it will be too many hours to make it possible to do both. And it will mean losing the money I do make there now. So I have to decide- and I don't know which one God is calling me to do. I don't really even know how to discern what He wants for my life.
Life- Funny topic but I think I really mean my Christian life. I feel tested- and I don't remember getting a study guide. I don't "hear" God like some people claim. I have a really hard time telling if the voice I hear is His wants for me or my own.
So, on this gray and stormy day, I just feel the storms building. Something is brewing- it feels like something important is happening, but will I know what do do when it does? Will I even recognize it when it does? Or am I just reacting to the weather and all the other storms around me?
edited to add: I just got this as the quote of the day! How appropriate!
We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?
- Ray Bradbury
Ok, it hasn't been that long! Now I wish he'd have told us what to do about it!
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