I'm a work in progress...

I'm in a really good place today. I feel good- my exercise is starting to increase my stamina. I could tell today in kids' choir that I wasn't panting at the end of songs like I used to! I also did my taxes and, since I can file head of household this year, am getting a nice refund back! Much better than having to pay, like we did last year.

Savannah is great- counseling is working wonders with her as she struggles to deal with the fallout from the divorce. Imagine being told that your child is too mature and thinks too much like an adult! She is also too kindhearted and tends to take on everyone else's feelings, too.

Chris graduated from high school mid-year. He just officially got his diploma yesterday and met with the minister today to talk about marrying the girl of his dreams. Brandon finally knows what he wants to be when he grows up (which is good, considering he is 17!) He wants to teach PE- actually is helping with the 6th grade class now and is finding out he likes it and is really good at it.

And, I'm happy with my social life. I am finally to the place that I am satisfied with having a wonderful friend and not wanting it to be more (or being scared that it might be more.) I am so grateful to him, because he has taught me a lot about me, and probably will continue to. I am learning that taking on another relationship means that I get a whole new set of problems along with all the good things. And I have to be ready to accept that the bad comes with the good.

I've done a lot of thinking this week- I got a real deja vu sense last week with him, and I realize that he is a lot like my ex. They are similar in build, hair, eyes, love of basketball, and the deja vu came from finding out he is a Carolina fan. Yikes. That is part of my "turn tail and run" reaction from last week. I had to have time to process a few things. Like am I attracted to the same type of guy? Will that cause me the same type of problems all over again? Then I realized the big differences. Scott cares about people. He is concerned with my safety. He cares about how my day went, about Savannah and her interests, about seeing that the boys are ok, and biggest of all, he goes to church and tries to live a Christian life.

So maybe I will continue to be drawn to the same types of men, but that doesn't mean that they will all be jerks! That is my big revelation of the week. And somehow, it has made me content with the way things are. Not too fast, but possible.