We had the best trip today! Planned months ago, Scott agreed to teach Savannah to ski. I hadn't been in over 20 years myself and had a lot to remember. Someone told me that it was like riding a bike, and it was- I remembered most of what to do. I did fall the first time down the big hill, but by the end of the day I was flying!
Savannah did great. Her first trip down the bunny slope she was gone. She did have to learn to turn and snowplow and stop before we'd let her on the chair lift. This girl is unstoppable! She skiied the entire time (we went for a 1/2 day, so that is 4 hours) and never wanted to take a break. She didn't even want to leave!
This was a great hookie day! If you haven't just taken a day for no reason, other than to just dump responsibilities and go have some fun, I recommend doing it at least once a year. I am so refreshed and ready to come home and get back to it! You can see the pictures (what I took- it is hard to take pictures skiing with everything going on) in my picture section.
We had a great day today skiing! I haven't been in 20 years, and Savannah had never been! With her master instructor Scott, she did really well! I can't remember having a more fun day than this in a long time!
Apparently I'm keeping Kat in anticipation! I suppose my Valentine's Day will seem pathetic compared to those with husbands or boyfriends. I actually got a card from my daughter. A homemade one! She really loves me!
And, I got a treat! Scott came over to dinner. He has never accepted an invitation before, so the fact that he wanted to spend Valentine's night with me and my crazy family means a lot. I cooked ham, hashbrown casserole, sweet potato souffle, rolls, and steamed cabbage. He ate two plate-fulls!
No, he didn't bring flowers, or chocolate, or (much to Chris' dismay?) hugs or kisses. He did bring friendship. I am beginning to understand how great a gift it is when you find a friend. Someone who connects with you, helps you see your way through problems but doesn't judge you, someone to listen and understand. We stayed up until 10:30pm just talking (and yawning- we're getting old you know!) and that is the greatest present he could have brought me. That, and the love and concern he offers my kids. Savannah understands that I don't want to risk this friendship right now by trying to take it to another level. We talked a little last night and he feels the same way.
We're all playing hookie on Thursday and going skiing! I'm so excited to get to spend an entire day with him, watching him take Savannah skiing for her first time. He seems to think that is pretty special for him, too.
It is a really windy day today, but beautiful! I"m so ready for spring- just tired of being cold! Have you ever just felt like there is something big that is going to happen- but you don't know what? Like you're waiting for something awesome, but you aren't waiting for anything? That is what my life feels like right now. Maybe it is because a lot of things seem like they're finally on the right track. The divorce is moving ahead. My exercise and diet feel like they're back on track after standing still for a bit. (For those of you who don't know, I lost 50 lbs a year ago and still have about 20 left to lose, but I've been at a stand-still for about 6 months.) My new relationship is getting more comfortable (still friends!) but a lot of people have assumed we're dating. (Maybe we are and just don't know it!) And the kids are in a better place- counseling works wonders sometimes. So does having the Holy Spirit move in your life, which is what has happened to the boys lately. So I feel like we're on the verge of something great. I just don't know what it is!
The sermon today was on the parable of the talents. I really like that one, because it challenges you to use the gifts you are given, no matter whether they seem silly or unimportant. I think for once, I feel like I'm in a good place with children's worship. That seems to be what I was made to do- get out and be silly and dance and sing so that these kids will love God. Heck, even if I'm just setting chairs up for it, it seems like the right thing to be doing. Maybe that is where the contentment is coming from- knowing that there is some great plan out there for my life, even if I don't know what it is!
I'm in a really good place today. I feel good- my exercise is starting to increase my stamina. I could tell today in kids' choir that I wasn't panting at the end of songs like I used to! I also did my taxes and, since I can file head of household this year, am getting a nice refund back! Much better than having to pay, like we did last year.
Savannah is great- counseling is working wonders with her as she struggles to deal with the fallout from the divorce. Imagine being told that your child is too mature and thinks too much like an adult! She is also too kindhearted and tends to take on everyone else's feelings, too.
Chris graduated from high school mid-year. He just officially got his diploma yesterday and met with the minister today to talk about marrying the girl of his dreams. Brandon finally knows what he wants to be when he grows up (which is good, considering he is 17!) He wants to teach PE- actually is helping with the 6th grade class now and is finding out he likes it and is really good at it.
And, I'm happy with my social life. I am finally to the place that I am satisfied with having a wonderful friend and not wanting it to be more (or being scared that it might be more.) I am so grateful to him, because he has taught me a lot about me, and probably will continue to. I am learning that taking on another relationship means that I get a whole new set of problems along with all the good things. And I have to be ready to accept that the bad comes with the good.
I've done a lot of thinking this week- I got a real deja vu sense last week with him, and I realize that he is a lot like my ex. They are similar in build, hair, eyes, love of basketball, and the deja vu came from finding out he is a Carolina fan. Yikes. That is part of my "turn tail and run" reaction from last week. I had to have time to process a few things. Like am I attracted to the same type of guy? Will that cause me the same type of problems all over again? Then I realized the big differences. Scott cares about people. He is concerned with my safety. He cares about how my day went, about Savannah and her interests, about seeing that the boys are ok, and biggest of all, he goes to church and tries to live a Christian life.
So maybe I will continue to be drawn to the same types of men, but that doesn't mean that they will all be jerks! That is my big revelation of the week. And somehow, it has made me content with the way things are. Not too fast, but possible.
This is my entry in the Wench's Writing Challenge. We are supposed to choose a song and write a story around it. For more info on how to participate, click here. My song is an oldie- "You Needed Me" by Anne Murray.
Candace is 20 years old. Not a very fun age to be, or so she thinks. You're too old to be in high school but no adult considers you an adult, either. Heck, she's been taking care of herself for 12 years now, and her mom, too. It isn't her fault that her mom drinks too much and can't keep a job, keep the house clean, or consider anything that might have to do with anyone but herself.
Most kids her age are in college. But that takes money. And with only her high school diploma, the jobs available to her are mostly dead end. So she is stuck serving truck drivers and construction workers in the diner down the street. At least some of them tip decently- usually the ones that don't grope and grab at her butt every time she passes by.
This morning is no worse than usual. The regular crowd seems to be starting their morning in the normal way- too much coffee and too much cholesterol. Earl, at table 3, orders his usual bacon and scrambled eggs with hashbrowns. Mr. and Mrs. Jetton, at table 6, share a stack of pancakes. More water at table 4, more coffee at table 7. The bell jingles on the door and Candace absently wonders where anyone else could sit. She'll have to clear a table first.
As she looks up, time stops. He came back. She never dreamed that she would see him again, but there he stands. It might have been 4 years since she has seen him but those years melt away. Derrick. Her first and only love. And he is standing right here.
She fumbles to clear a space for him without breaking eye contact or a pile of plates. She scurries behind the counter with her load, returning with one of the menus that doesn't look as crusted with dried grease as some of the others. Derrick. He is here. In her mind, time has stopped. The clamour of the diner has stopped. The needs of any other customers fade away as all her attention is focused on him. He speaks, but the meaning of his words cannot penetrate her amazement. Buzz is yelling at her from the kitchen, but she can't hear him either.
Those eyes. That face. Those strong arms. How many times has she wondered what became of him, if college would change him, if he would go on to a big city, if he was married by now. Being two years older, he would be finished with college by now. Where has he been? What is he doing?
A slap on her butt and a "honey, can you refill this sometime this year" brings her back to reality. She sets the menu in front of him as he asks for coffee. Two creams. She remembered that anyway. She scurries to settle the other customers, hoping Derrick will wait until her shift ends at 10am or at least until the place clears out a little. She has a million questions. Most of them she isn't sure she wants to hear the answer to, but her need to know outweighs her unwillingness to hear bad news.
Slowly the other tables clear. She refills his cup. He orders a danish and remains patient. Did he come here to see her? He must have. He isn't leaving. He seems content to read the paper, catching her eye every minute or so over the top of the page. The clock moves so slowly that twice she stops to make sure the second hand is still mobile.
Finally the last customer heads to the register and Candace can relax. Well, not relax, but focus her pent-up energy on the cause of the stress. Derrick. He rises to hug her, and she melts into his arms. The years fade away until they are teenagers in high school again. He is telling her he loves her. Then, or now? Or both? She remembers the last time she saw him, getting on the bus to leave for Atlanta. He should be an Emory graduate. Why is he back in town? The unspoken questions cannot leave her throat. She is choked with emotion. Finally he speaks and she is able to focus on his words.
"Oh Candace, my dear Candace. You are still here. As much as I hoped you would have escaped this hell-hole, I am so glad you are still here. I graduated- I have a degree in Finance and a great job in downtown Atlanta. I came to see if you still love me- if you can ever forgive me for not coming home all this time, for focusing on building a better life for us away from here. If there still is an us?"
Us? Her mind cannot take it in. He thought about her all these years? He still loves her? Did he say "build a better life for us?"
"Candace, will you come to Atlanta with me? Will you be my wife? You are the whole reason that I was able to succeed- the thought of taking you away from here kept me going through tough classes, exams, and mean professors. You needed me. You believed in me. Do you remember the last words you said to me as I left?"
Remember? They are emblazoned on her mind like an epitaph on a tombstone. She remembers.
"You said, 'you held my hand when it was cold. When I was lost you took me home. You needed me, and now I need you to be worthy. Succeed. I love you so much that I can stand on my own, just knowing that you have loved me. So go- go and don't look back.' Well, I had to come back. No one has ever needed me before. And I have never needed anyone but you. Come with me?"
She removes her apron, puts down her pad and pen, and with a nod of her head, takes his hand and walks from the diner for the final time.
