Someone asked me this question yesterday, and it has me thinking. What do I want? What is a must-have and what are would-be-nice-to-haves and what are deal-breakers?
He must:
*Be a Christian and attend church regularly
*Be someone who loves my children and realizes that I will put them first
*Be intentional about money management
*Love to travel and be willing to try new things
*Have a car and a driver's license
*Be grounded in his beliefs
*Be able to take care of himself- know how to do laundry, do his own paperwork, wash dishes, etc. (not that I wouldn't help or even do it, but I don't want to be his mother!)
*Put my needs first sometimes (be there for me when I need him)
*Have good hygiene
*Have a job/career
*Respect women (that means no porn!)
*Love me just the way I am (love me for me, not who he wants me to be or who I have to change myself to be!)
It would be nice if he:
*Liked going to musicals, concerts, etc.
*Didn't smoke
*Was laid back and easy going
*Had blue eyes (I'm a sucker for blue eyes!)
*Was romantic enough to at least attempt a surprise every now and then
*Was handy with things around the house
*Helped with the dishes every now and then
*Had conservative views of politics
*Was educated and well-spoken
*Wants to please me and see me be happy!
I will not tolerate:
*Abusiveness
*Drunkenness (beyond an occasional extra drink)
*Laziness that causes financial problems
*Anything that hurts my children
Finding all this is another story entirely, because I'm sure you could parade around 10 men who totally fit this description and I wouldn't be attracted to any of them! But at least I can figure out what I want, what I can live with, and what I refuse to live with.
Now, what have I left out? I'm thinking of what I've had and what I'm used to, so I'm sure there are things I'm not even considering.
This is almost a mirror image to my list!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBut you forgot that he needs to have good oral hygiene. LOL.
Well... good hygiene in general. LOL.
ReplyDeleteMomma,
ReplyDeleteI would love to copy/paste your message because this is what I want as well including the blue eyes.... Or brown eyes. I'm opened. LOL!
Yea, I mean who wants a guy who walks around with dirty nails??? YUCK???
ReplyDeleteCopy away! I don't think this is a complete list- I apparently forgot hygiene (which is really a given- I'm not getting close to anyone perpetually stinky!)
ReplyDeleteLOL. Or just dirty in general??????
ReplyDeleteI swear...... I've seen men on some of the dating sites that want a "perfect" woman... and they aren't anything to write home to mother about. What is up with that??????????
Yeah, hygiene is a given... but the teeth thing is really, really important to me.... and, apparently, an issue here in Vermont. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI would add, has a job. You do not want a man who lives off you. You wouldnt be happy. But this is a good start. I did this too. What I found is until you sort this out, what is truly important and whats on the wish list....you will never find him. You date all the wrong guys till you truly know what you want. We all do that. I saw so many in this single group I hung out in and watched these woman make the same mistakes over and over. I realized one common factor....nobody really knew what they wanted.
ReplyDeleteSo I did this and then decided not to date any man who didnt at least fit my first list, the must haves. I may not have dated as much as before but they were better quality men. I didnt waste alot of time with losers like before.
YEA, what is up with that??? They can look like dookie on a stick and want someone who looks like Tyra Banks. LOL!
ReplyDeletelol! Well, don't get too close to me today. I smell like leaf/wood smoke.
ReplyDelete*hides hands*
ReplyDeleteNope, you are right... I mean a woman need to have self confidence and not buy love. The guy better have a job. LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteAre any of them real or are they plastic?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah- a job is on the MUST HAVE list! Or at least a career- I know times are tough right now.
ReplyDeleteWho knows???
ReplyDeleteLOL!!! You are cute. LOL!
ReplyDeleteOk, the fact that you can get your nails dirty is a GOOD thing- the fact that they're still dirty two days later is a BAD thing! There's a difference, Abby!
ReplyDeleteWell, they're kinda nasty. I was burning yard waste and gettin' dirty. I washed my hands... but my nails are still yucky.
ReplyDeleteI have no clue. But I THINK they're plastic.
ReplyDeleteMomma,
ReplyDeleteSee how your post caught on fire? You must have hit a familiar nerve. LOL!!!
Um, I have a job. It sucks and you keep telling me to get a new one. I'm in a rut. lol!
ReplyDeleteOh, no. That's just the smoke from my back yard. lol!
ReplyDeleteAnd not all men want Barbie lol. In fact those that do.....STAY AWAY FROM!! cuz those men you can never make happy.
ReplyDeleteYou're right Sea... maybe "easy to please" should be on there somewhere!
ReplyDeletelol! That's why I'd never date a guy smaller than I was. Can't do it. I even yell at Art for LOSING weight. I prefer my men to be big. (Not fat, just big.)
ReplyDeleteBut you keep it because it pays the bills. Again, there's a difference!
ReplyDeleteI think that's why I don't bother to leave... I'll just wait until I get laid off if the budget keeps getting worse. (We're 9 BILLION in the hole and the hole is getting deeper!)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm in the wrong gene pool, apparently.
ReplyDeleteI'm also having trouble with the thing about sex and that's too high on their list in the first few dates.
I'm not a slut, people!! LOL.
No, because the guys are trying to keep up with each other on the trophie figures...
ReplyDeleteOh, I just thought of another good one... under the wants... I want someone who wants to please me and see me be happy!
ReplyDeleteEasy to please means he likes cookies... and your cooking when new things don't turn out as planned for dinner.
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!! Yea; I can smell the burnt leaves from here...
ReplyDeleteI like big guys, too!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI met a new guy last night and he's the perfect size!!! He's just a little messed up. LOL.
I can bake cookies!
ReplyDeletelol! The first date Art and I had... I got drunk and passed out. I woke up next to him FULLY clothed the next morning. Total gentleman.
ReplyDeleteYeah!
ReplyDeleteAwww!!! Now THAT is someone who would win my heart over instantly!!!
ReplyDelete=D lol!
ReplyDeleteIn all the right places.... Oopps! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThat last part... *giggles* Silly, you're so fun.
ReplyDeleteI can bake TWO kinds of cookies! lol!
ReplyDeleteExactly!
ReplyDeleteRoz the problem with guys who want Barbie is.......you , me and lots of others are not Barbie. But they keep trying to make us that. They do not accept us as we are. Who wants a guy like that? All they do is make you miserable for being too fat, too smart, not pretty enough or whatever it is that THEY need. Nope find a guy who loves you as you are and he will always be happy. If hes happy he will keep you happy.
ReplyDeleteLOLOLOLOLOL!
ReplyDeleteSeriously..... he is intense. Remember Iraq Guy? It was him. He's a sweetheart, but has some issues.
ReplyDeletesilly, they ALL have issues lol
ReplyDeleteThat's why we're making this list! For the second part! They're all a little messed up, but what do we love them for, what can we live with, and what will we not tolerate?
ReplyDeleteUh.... I don't want to be Barbie. She's totally out of proportion. I mean, c'mon. Who wants a quintuple D chest? Man... that would be PAINFUL! And her arms would almost be dragging the ground when she walks. Can you say prehistoric woman? And her waist? Ugh. You'd have to be missing most of your ribs for THAT to happen. Nah. Barbie can kiss my butt. lmao!
ReplyDeleteAnd I was voting for Iraq guy... guess I need to recall my vote and hold on to it for a bit longer!
ReplyDeleteAnd I was voting for Iraq guy... guess I need to recall my vote and hold on to it for a bit longer!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that.... You are so right.
ReplyDeleteYeah, everyone has issues... but his scare me. I'll blog soon about him.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you- you know you can tell us about it any time.
ReplyDeleteWell heck if someones issues scare you......run the other way! Dont get involved!
ReplyDeleteOooh.... Wonder if he's like a buddy of mine from back home. He slept with his AK-47 that he snuck back into the states from Colombia.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sea.
ReplyDeleteI hope its not that scary! That's SCARY!
ReplyDeleteI will. I can see us being good friends... because we both need it... but nothing more.
ReplyDeleteI think we've met for a reason..... to help each other..... so I'm not ready to abandon that yet.
Yikes!!!
ReplyDeleteAgreed- it is too hard to get un-involved. Better to not start.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely keep him at arm's length.
ReplyDeleteWho knows??? He could be thinking the same thing about me!!!
And most of them are dumber than dirt anyway. Look at Barbie. She can do everything but nothing at all really. LOL! Barbies are vain, selfish and non caring individuals and guys who want gals like that, have at it at your expense.
ReplyDeleteMaintaining my hair takes a lot of work and I love shoes, but I am not Barbie.
I was used to it.
ReplyDeletemomma thats where lots of women go wrong. We think we can CHANGE THEM, ummmmmmmmm NO! Better to just not get involved.
ReplyDeleteWow, we do have a lot in common. There's nothing wrong with being friends, though, if you can keep it at that. Just make sure he's helping you, too- not you doing it all for him.
ReplyDeleteWow, we do have a lot in common. There's nothing wrong with being friends, though, if you can keep it at that. Just make sure he's helping you, too- not you doing it all for him.
ReplyDeleteWow. What's that? lol! I don't maintain anything these days. lol! That reminds me. I need to go shopping for shoes. (EVERYONE needs new shoes in this house.)
ReplyDeleteSo true, Sea. Actually, I've been walking around for two days going "I can't change him, I can't change him...." Sooner or later I'll believe it.(I believe it but I don't really believe it- make sense?)
ReplyDeleteI've wondered about that for a couple of days too- what is holding him back?
ReplyDeleteI have high heel pumps and beautiful dresses, but I do not have the opportunity to wear them anymore, because I am busy caring for my elderly father (turning 90 next month). Family is more important than dancing around in high heels. (Smile)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have your priorities right, Roz. How nice of you to care for your father. So many people leave that up to others.
ReplyDeleteYea, I have witnessed the same behavior. And it is so wrong... One day, some men will wake up and stop this crazy mess.
ReplyDeleteI have hi heels and all that stuff and found me a home body man who doesnt like going out much. And when we do he doesnt care if Im in jeans or whatever. While I miss that stuff sometimes, honestly, Im getting old here and comfy sounds a whole lot better.
ReplyDeleteI believe God created me for this time in my father's life, because I truly consider it all joy to take care of him. He cannot dress, feed or go to the bathroom. I take care of everything and I love my father dearly. Now he was one of the good guys. Never hit my mom, was faithful and worked hard to provide for the family. He is one awesome person to care for, because his behavior is unbelievable! Very meek, happy and personable.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, I have a couple of flip flops that I just adore.... But I love my heels. Mom wore heels until she died (she was 79 yrs old.)
ReplyDeleteThat's so true!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have a totally awesome dad.
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky Roz- I lost my dad when I was 17. I wonder how different my life would be had he lived sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAt 5'8", I don't wear heels too often- I don't like being taller than everyone else!
ReplyDeleteYou are 5'8??? I envy you... I am 5'4..... (Sigh!) This is why I wear heels... :(
ReplyDeleteI am terribly sorry for your early lost. Parents are important in a growing child's life.
ReplyDeleteHe is awesome! I love my dad/little man... He (sometimes) reminds me of the son I never had.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're making some special memories!
ReplyDelete<--only 5'2" and shrinking lol
ReplyDeleteWhat's holding him back??? I bet he thinks he isn't good enough for you. :(
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how our parents become our children? That's how it is with my mom now.... I don't have kids and it's a good thing I don't because she can be a full time job sometimes.
ReplyDeleteTime for a Man's opinion here. Not all of us are looking for a Barbie Doll type. Most of my experience is that women that look like Barbie dolls are full of themselves. Also Dish you forgot the one main thing we all are looking for...Chemestry! That little spark that drives us to see each other again during the dating process.
ReplyDeletelol @ Lightkeeper!
ReplyDeleteLOL Bill- no, I didn't, but I can't quantify that by any characteristic. So that's why I put the last paragraph in there.
ReplyDeleteThanks for weighing in there as a guy! You're brave, sneaking in here with all these women!
Chemistry is what gets you in trouble with the rest tho lol. The love of my life, the man I thought I was gonna marry, dumped me right after my birthday and we had chemistry like Ive never known before. Chemistry is just lust, when its gone, what is left? If you dont like the man as a friend forget the rest. Now if you just want someone to have fun with.....go for chemistry lol
ReplyDeleteChemistry is unquantifiable. I can't define it, but know it when I see it. I just need to know that when I do see it, what else do I want with it? This is that list!
ReplyDeleteI'm heading for another anti-men phase.... I can feel it! LOL.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I'd call this an anti-men phase, more like "I'm being careful and picky this time" phase.
ReplyDeleteIts a good thing that I had my suit of armor on when I waded in huh??? LOL!
ReplyDeleteI just looked over the list............and like Lighthouse I couldnt resist.......................as far as I know the only person meeting all those requirements was Jesus.............it shows you have good taste!
ReplyDeleteAnd silicone.
ReplyDeleteWell, my momma always told me there was someone for everyone- if you set your standards low enough!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't asking too much, is it?
Salud ! I say don't settle for less. Good for you
ReplyDeletelmao.. Now.. what do you bring to the table?? They have a wish list as well.
ReplyDeleteWhat do I bring? That isn't hard- if anything, I'm having to learn not to give so much.
ReplyDeleteI'm fiercely loyal and will defend you even if you're wrong.
I'm giving and will give all I have to help you.
I don't mind doing laundry or the dishes (but I really don't like unloading the dishwasher!)
I'm handy around the house (remember my tile floor?)
I have a steady job that I've had for 10 years.
I can cook.
I'm a good mother, and a good caretaker.
I'm organized and can keep up with bills and finances.
I love to travel and go new places. I'm really an adventurer.
I love the outdoors, camping, driving, exploring, hiking.
I also love quiet nights at home with a movie and a glass of wine. Or tea, doesn't matter.
I'm a Christian and put in a lot of volunteer hours at church.
I make a commitment and stick to it.
How's that?
I missed this blog! It's going to take me a week to read the replies!! I should work on a list of my own.
ReplyDeleteDo you put out before the fourth date?? LOL. Sorry... I couldn't resist because you know this is one of my "problems" according to some men.
ReplyDeleteI don't put out at all! Show me the ring first!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have big problems!
LOL. I am SO glad to hear that I'm not the only one!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou aren't the only one, Silly- but there aren't too many of us left!
ReplyDelete*raises hand* haven't put out since 1992. Does that make me sad?
ReplyDelete"I plead the 5th." lol
ReplyDelete